Re: Attn BEN SMITH!!!!

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catwalker63 <_catwalker63_@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
> OK, I like Doom and Neil and I don't wanna starve or be fat. The mansion
> and the job, however, are higher on my priority list that their posts
> (sorry guys!).

What's the world coming to? Urine by the gallon on the highways, LARTs, and
people who refuse to starve in order to read Neil and Doom's posts. In the
history of our great nation, this would have been inconceivable! Despair,
for we now live in a world without heroes, morals, or principles. Oh, the
humanity! And all this, just so they can have mansions and jobs! It's... a
travesty. <insert name of great man from history here> is turning in his
grave.

> Thousands of hours studying?? What methods are you using 'cause they
> sound rather inefficient. <eg>

Actually, I don't intend to spend any time studying for any of Microsoft's
tests. I have been working on several methods by which I will approach these
tests which will involve no intellectual requirements on my part. Of course,
with my efforts at creating a new text to speech system for inuktatuk,
MCNGP-DOS with LART support, and a new cheese twinkie, there may be little
time for me to attempt all of this, however, sometimes you've just got to go
for it.

So here's my current thinking on how I will pass the tests to become an
MCSE....

First, after my inuktatuk speech products generate enormous revenues, I will
hire 1 million monkeys to take the tests for me, and over the course of a
hundred years, I believe they will eventually pass the tests. Those monkeys
that fail will be sentenced to pick up urine bottles on the side of the
highway.

Now, I'm highly confident that the original plan above will work without
flaw, however, it's always important to have a fallback plan, because
experience has taught me, you simply can't put all your eggs in one google
of monkeys... So here are several other proposed initiatives I am working
with the Board Of Directors to ratify:

If all of the monkeys fail, I will proceed with a more scientific approach,
based on mathematical probabilities -- and the process of elimination. The
first time I take each test, I will answer all questions with answer "A". If
this fails, I will try again, with "B". And so on, through whatever letters
are available. If I continue to fail, I will answer them in a variety of
patterns. "A" "A" "B" "B" "C" "C" "D" "D", "A" "B" "C" "D", "A" "C" "D" "B".
Eventually, through the process of repetively taking the tests, I will
locate a pattern which will successfully pass each test. According to my
latest estimates which I derived from a random program which excludes the
name 'BOB', there are 7 tests I need to take, with roughly 60 questions
each, totalling 7.6 million questions, with (e = i.pi - 1) = 0 total
combinations, give or take 7.6 million.

If that fails, I will assassinate the manager of the local Wendy's by
pushing him face first into the special sauce. I will do this repeatedly
until there is a worldwide shortage of Wendy's managers, thus putting a stop
to the Wendy's system of animal cruelty, because secret sauce is people.

If that fails, I will pose as a Microsoft employee, and proceed to use the
word Smurf haphazardly in any and all posts I make to this newsgroup, until
the many Smurf fans who visit this group have had enough, and become
enraged -- in their mob mentality they will retaliate by setting fire to all
of the Microsoft testing centers. While the Microsoft testing centers are on
fire, I will sneak in the back, and print up an MCSE, forge Steve's
signature, and add myself to the MCSE database. Afterwards, I will put out
the fire, and apologize to Microsoft, and to the creator of the Smurfs, so
there will be no harm done, and no one will be the wiser.

If that fails, I will eat my chili with a fork.

If that fails, I will join a monastery and pray to Vince Neil of Motley Crue
for wisdom and the answers to the MCSE, while I endure a lifetime of
self-prostration, because Megadeth sucks.

If that fails, I'll post a message here asking for braindumps so I can get
called a derogatory name.

If that fails, I'll steal someone's tagline and write 'I've run out of
stupid things to type'.

Ultimately, I believe if I can accomplish all of these things in thousands
of hours, it will actually have been VERY efficient, because killing Wendy's
managers, hiring monkeys, taking the tests 7.6 million times, posting Smurf
haphazardly, eating chili with a fork, joining a monastery, asking for brain
dumps, and writing 'I've run out of stupid things to type' can be time
consuming.

Hope this helps,
The F-Word
http://www.roblindman.com/ - I'll never run out of stupid things to type




.

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  • Re: Attn BEN SMITH!!!!
    ... I like Doom and Neil and I don't wanna starve or be fat. ... Those monkeys that fail will be sentenced to pick up urine ... > If that fails, I will pose as a Microsoft employee, and proceed to use ... > retaliate by setting fire to all of the Microsoft testing centers. ...
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